Having goals in life and having a purpose makes this guide even more of a challenge. Being a dedicated mom, friend, and girlfriend has put me on a mission to help others that have gone through what I have. On the Brink of no return with alcohol and drugs, I overcame it all for my new found family. In return, I created this guide for others to implement new ways to discipline, consequence, and reward your children. Someday your children will be alone out in today’s hectic society, let’s make them sociably except-able.
Something popped into my thoughts as my sisters boyfriend had slapped the hand of my nephew. His exact words were, ” No, you do not hit me” as he slapped my nephews hand for hitting his leg to get his attention. Keep in mind my nephew is only 1 1/2 years old. Here is the lesson: How can you teach a child that it is not appropriate behavior to hit if you are hitting them as punishment? You are suppose to be setting an example to these kids. Kids learn by mimicking their parents words, actions, and reactions. So hitting your child because he/she is hitting gives the child a mixed signal and an unclear notion whether hitting is permitted or not. So before you punish a child with the same actions your suggesting is not permitted, try a more productive approach. For instance, talking to the child of why hitting isn’t permitted, a time out for hitting, or something that excludes hitting back.
Have you ever been a shoulder for a friend, family, even a stranger you had just met and hear them say, “I have nothing, what am I going to do”? OR, “I have the worst luck in the world, why bother”? Even, “I hate my life, I just wish it was over”? There are so many other examples of conversations we have heard over the years of a depressed, grieving, or mentally unstable person. These people just need you to listen and give them a reason to be happier, guidance if you will. Some people lose site of positives in their life, even if the person is homeless, going through a divorce, or have lost a loved one. Pointing out positives can really have an impact on another persons emotions. It doesn’t matter how little the reassurance of a positive thought is your giving someone, with all the negative thoughts they have, it’s like planting a beautiful seed in a withered garden. You can be their shoulder to lean on, their ear to listen, and their voice of reasoning. Everyone needs someone, why can’t it be YOU!
While some people have never endured pain like I have, some will have endured far more, point being that everyone feels pain. Whether we lost someone we loved, been treated badly, treated someone badly to cause hurt, depression of loneliness, or any other reasons we feel pain, we will never know what others are going through. Everyone handles pain differently because everyone has their own unique thought process. You are not mind readers (well you might be), just because we don’t understand why someone over-reacted, broke down when asked a question, or decided to get drunk, doesn’t mean they aren’t hurting in one way or another. Everyone reacts to stress in their own unique way. So, with all that in mind, respect other peoples decisions, have empathy for other peoples feelings, and be a shoulder to lean on. We are not judges, we need to live with one another regardless, why not make it a more pleasant stay for everyone.
Be Aware of your surroundings and your actions. I’m sure you were taught what was right and what is wrong? So, think and be aware! People need to understand their is a reaction to each and every action your make. Think, is the result going to end in a positive outcome or a negative outcome? Sometimes a reaction can end with the apposite reaction than originally intended, but it was your intentions that matters. Everyone has the ability to say, do, and take what he/she wants, but ask yourself if its the right thing to do, right thing to say, or if it’s considered stealing. You are the key holder to positive outcomes. Not your friends, family members, or acquaintances! ONLY YOU!
Hope everyone is enjoying my Life skills. I will continue to post more Learned Skills as I believe they may help others as they have helped me. Please know my website is now up and running if you would like to learn more.
Hope to see you there!
Know what your triggers are! Try to avoid triggers that may cause you to have outbursts, depression, anger, and loneliness. For me, I rarely watch TV because of all the drama, hate, and unexplained emotions portrayed on the screen. TV triggers negative emotions in me that causes my mental state to take on the negative perception of things. Avoiding what may trigger you can sometimes be tricky, but know yourself and be self aware during negative times. Examples of self awareness: What happened right before you decided you wanted to punch that wall? Who were you with and what was said to make you feel worthless? Be self aware of what triggered you at that moment to avoid repetitive negative emotions. You have the power to change all future outcomes.
Have a positive and safe support system. Everyone needs positive reinforcements and positive people surrounding their lives. I understand the difficulty of staying positive when surrounded by negativity. So, If you are a recovering alcoholic its probably not best to hang with alcoholics. If you know you are a fighter, stay clear of instigating people. Know who your friends are! If you have a friend that tries to push at you, what your trying to get away from, that is not a friend. Some people (friends) do that because they have failed at what you are trying to accomplish. Who wants to be a failure alone? Some would much rather see you fail, rather that see you succeed at something they couldn’t.
Release anger in a positive and safe way. Release all the anger you hold in a way your not hurting yourself or others around you. Everyone understands that when we get hurt and we don’t find a positive exit for our negative emotions we tend to take it out on the ones we love and care about. Here are two helpful techniques to help put your negative emotions into a positive solution. One is to use your bathroom mirror as a punching bag per se. If someone really makes you angry and you really want to give them a piece of your mind, yell into the mirror. That’s right, use the reflection in the mirror as if it were the person you really want to yell at. Then the next time you see them the anger isn’t as tense considering in your mind you’ve already said what needed to be said. second, is to write all your negative thoughts down in a journal or write them down on a scrap of paper. when you have gotten all your negative thoughts out, rip it up and throw it away. Both methods work well for me and I hope it will help you too.
Blaming others for our decisions is so easy. Imagine not blaming others for our own actions. Yes, my dad was an alcoholic, but it definitely wasn’t his fault I chose to drink my first beer with my friends. It was because I thought it would make me feel better. Instead it made me angry and out of control because when I drank I couldn’t handle my own thoughts. Even when I’d get into fights, I never really asked myself what fighting accomplished. It never took the pain away, it never made me feel better about myself, and it never made me feel in control. Anger is a feeling that will grow and grow if you keep feeding it memories of hate and discontent. What has happened to you or me in the past is not the blame for the actions we put in motion now as an adult. As an adult we make our own decisions, we are the master of our own domains, and we have choices. So we need to stop blaming others for our actions and start taking responsibility of them.