At the young age of 18 on June 16th 1993 Baby David was born.
My emotions ran so high that day. I was sort of happy, very confused, and very scared to have brought this little man home and not really comprehending that I am his mother.
This is David and I when David was only 6 days old. Jason wasn’t around much after David was born and when he was he would get so angry when the baby cried or even fussed that he’d just leave again.
I started asking my mother for breaks away from David, so I could drink and hang out with my friends when David was only 4 weeks old. After the first break my mom gave me, it began the repetitious events of an every weekend drinking bash. Like I said Jason wasn’t around much, so drinking with guy friends wasn’t the best of choices I was making. When he was gone, I was inviting over male friends of his and mine to fool around with. For instance, topless darts, or strip poker, even just to have sex. I seemed to always have an agenda. The men I chose were either his (supposedly) close friends or his worst enemies. None of which I had the least bit of an emotional attachment too.
My drinking, sleeping around, and total dishonesty all around was getting out of hand. By the time David was 3 months old, he was pretty much moved into my mothers home. I saw him every morning (sober), then by noon or so, I was out the door and on to other things.
Jason and I finally ended our relationship after the abuse in the home became so physical that I began to fear he was going to kill me. For example, I was standing outside one night having a few beers with him and his friends. Nobody was out of control, just 5 or 6 people standing around talking about the days events and such. Jason had gone in the house to grab another beer (we all thought). When I looked around and asked aloud where Jason was, everyone went quiet and his brother took off to find him. That’s when Jason’s voice was low and aggravated from within the trees behind me stating, “Turn around c**t”. I did just that, expecting to see him standing there ready to strike me. Instead there was a barrel of a shot gun aimed at my head that stuck out of the tree line barely visible, but visible. My beer dropped to the ground and I froze. I heard our friends words all around me, what the F*ck Jason, Jason Don’t, What’s the matter bub, and holy F*ck. All he said after a few seconds of silence was, “Give me one reason, one reason why you should be alive?”. I stood strong, angry, and tear-less when my response was, “I don’t have one”. I turned my back from him and started to walk away. I was so scared, I really thought he was gonna shoot me this time. The shot never came but the tears started flowing uncontrollably when I wasn’t all that far out of sight.
To Be Continued…