Up until now, I have been blasting about how my childhood was. Believe me, when I say there was a lot more information within the wrong doings of my father than I portrayed in my writing. My trauma was on an everyday basis as a kid and happened so often that it became a way of life for me. That was until I broke free at the age of 16 and started making a statement of independence to anyone I came in contact with. This is where my spiraling out of control began and it wasn’t brief. My spiraling lasted for many years. So prepare yourself, because I am about to start blasting the truths of who I had become and what I had done starting at the age of 16.
Please understand that my thought process back then was to not hurt any more and I blamed everything on my father and everyone in the world for not protecting me.
That’s me to the far right. Yes, 16 years old at a family function. I’m sure you can tell by the picture my dad didn’t look happy. That’s because, he hadn’t seen me for almost 3 months before this picture was taken and he was upset the changes he started to see. My aunt Jodi (dad’s sister) to the far left instigated some on my statements to be made. For example, the smoking. I picked up smoking and dad hated he had no say in me doing so. He told me he wasn’t taking the picture with me holding the cigarette. Jodi said, “well I’ll take a picture with her holding a cigarette cause I love her regardless, she is your daughter you know”. So, long story short here, the picture was taken.
My mother and father started arguing a lot at that time too. Although, they had been separated and divorced for awhile, when they spoke it was always my father yelling at my mother that it was her fault I was acting the way I was. Yet, my dad was a smoker and my mother never smoked a day in her life. It was never my dad’s fault, everyone’s fault but dads. He started telling me I was too pretty for those nasty things, and again, that he was disappointed in me. This time was different though, this time I didn’t care, this time was the breaking point, and this time I was going to show him just how much I didn’t care. Starting now he has NO control over me?
To Be Continued….