A couple months after the fire my dad stopped coming around much. Not really sure if it was a blessing, as my mind mind was always wondering if he was okay. He did call a lot and argue with my mother on the phone though. They had an agreement (my mothers enforcement) that he could only take us if he was sober. It took about six months before he showed us to see us, then he asked my mom to take me for the night. I was happy, scared, and very nervous all at the same time. But how bad could it be, right? He was sober, everyone knows he’s a good man sober, right? Unfortunately, the sober dad was only a front believe me. By now I knew that when dad threatened not to tell my mother anything, it meant do not tell your mother anything. It was the third time I believe of showing up sober to pick me up to go with him that boundaries began to get crossed.
So, let me just dive into the story of what happened that night. Dad began drinking not long after picking me up and took me to a poker game he wanted to play in. I remember not knowing anyone and was placed in front of TV and offered a drink and snacks. Not so bad really, until my dad started yelling and yelled at me to go get in the car and he followed behind me yelling and swearing at the house right up till we pulled away.
All of a sudden the car started bucking and shuddering till it came to a stop on the side of the road. It was pitch black out and I was petrified of the dark, thankfully it was a warm night though. Dad was so drunk he was yelling, spitting, and trying to crank the car over all at the same time over a 10 minute period. Then he said, ” well lets go we are walking”. We walked for a couple minutes and then would decide we will wait in the car and would walk back. This happened five times over about an hours time. We would get out to walk, then get back in the car. The last time was the worse.
We sat in total silence and in total darkness. Then his voice pierced the silence and jumped me half to death. He laughed and said, “come sit on dad’s lap”. Thank god it was dark I was thinking so he couldn’t see the expression on my face. The next time he offered me to sit on his lap it was with him grabbing my arm and yanking me to his side of the car. I so, did not want to be on his lap but the choice really wasn’t mine.
I didn’t sit there long before his hand started to rub my leg. The rubs got harder almost to the point of hurting and it started to have longer reaches. I tensed quickly and remembered praying for someone to find us and help us (me) to get home. Then the boundary was crossed, it all happened so quickly. So hard that tears came before my loud ten year old screech. One hand quickly and with no forgiveness grabbed my midsection and the other hand clutched a handful of hair while reefing my head back. His drunk slobbering lips were all over my neck. when I let a squeal of terror and confusion escape me, his mouth covered mine. Although, I clenched my teeth together to keep him from entering. The hand from my crotch cupped my jaw to force the entry. It was the most disgusting thing I had ever felt. I remember the taste of beer, tobacco, and something gritty. Then when I started to gag, all grips released and he quickly threw me back into the passengers seat. I remember him calling me a whore like my mother and telling me how much I disgusted him.
It was a horrible night and a horrible night to still remember. My mother did find out about this happening, but not for a whole two years later.
To Be Continued…..